I love people. I've always loved people.
Through my teenage years, I valued those close to me - seriously, I VALUED them, my friends were my family; however, I didn't treat those outside of my close circle with much respect. I was a bit of a loud mouth and a scrapper. The funny thing is, I still had this inner sense of "respect" for those I would verbally abuse. I now realize I valued them, just not as much as I valued myself.
But something changed. One night I felt shame. Crippling shame. I hated who I was and knew I was going straight to hell. My love for people was gone. There were evil things in my heart and I felt like even the pictures on the wall were condemning me. I felt God had given up on me - my prayers for mercy could not be heard. I was simply doomed.
In that moment I prayed for the last time - "God, speak to me now or I'll know you've forgotten about me." I picked up my dusty old Bible, opened it and read the first words I saw.
It was Luke 15:11-32. Read it. You will know why it changed me in that moment.
I knew God spoke to me. I knew I was forgiven and to be honest, I've never been the same.
What's changed is I believe in something. Like, I REALLY believe in something. I don't have a Bart Simpson "death bed repentance" kind of faith anymore. I've literally dedicated my life to a real relationship with God because I really, really believe in God.
I do what I do because I came to terms with the reality of life and death. I explored the very edge of hopelessness. I knew God existed and that he was good - and I knew I was not good. The shame of that reality was unbearable.
What I found is something my mind can still hardly comprehend. The moment I felt hopeless - the very moment I felt my life had no meaning - was the very moment I found the answer.
What if you found the answer? What if God was so good that he provided an answer for all people everywhere - and this answer was your choice. Would you choose it?
I did. And because I love people, I can't shut up about it.
K.
No comments:
Post a Comment